Kim's AFS Journey

I'm just so uncreative with titles

2011-06-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

Flashback for you. I took this picture in the Copenhagen airport.

It was the first sign I'd ever seen in a foreign language.

Way back when I was looking ahead to my departure from Finland I saw myself as a total wreck. We're talking fetal position, hysterical, chaining myself to the fountain in the town square kind of wreck. I don't look forward to leaving. I have regrets, but I don't regret my time here.

While I didn't make a thousand amazing friendships, or learn the language or find any particular talent everything I went through to get here was undoubtedly worth it.

There are people I know who I actually feel honoured to have met. That is an odd feeling. I didn't become close to them, but just to know there are people like the AFSers and Finns I've met is reassuring. I have a little bit more faith in humanity because of them, and I can't help but wonder what great things they could do.

I will miss living in Finland. I won't say its my home, but it will always be something terribly special to me. Biking has been really great, and my classes were fun. The forests here are different than the ones I knew and that was a major source of interest and relaxation for me. Oh, and I think it should be legally required to own a summer cottage. Seriously, the up and coming political party is the True Finns and I think I might like them more if they did something truely Finnish by declaring that all should own or be given a summer cottage. Its most likely statements like that that keep me out of politics.

In one of my much, much older posts I wrote that I wanted to hear the zipping of a suitcase. I'm starting to get that itch again. Not to return to Oklahoma but to start planning my next course of action. Being me, I never stop worrying about where I'll be two minutes down the line. I'm working on a public virtual school. It would be free and it has accredidation so I would still receive an actual diploma. By doing this I could receive a better education, and have better work hours which means more savings which means less debt when I graduate from University. I have some volunteering prospects I'm trying to line up as well and there's a place I can go horse riding nearby. Oh, and now that I think about it a writing class could be nice. My grammar is pretty so-so and I really can't remember where to put my commas. Sad, I know but in 3rd grade it didn't seem quite so important.

I leave in eight days. I'll go by train on the 27th and stay the night at the airport hotel and leave the next morning around 9:30. Most likely this will be my last post. I'd really like to add another one or two when I get back but I just don't think I'll be in the mood. Besides there really is no point in posting once my 'AFS journey' is finished. Think how long ago I started and think how far I've come. I'm honestly astounded at times, at how amazing my life is becoming. On that note I'm off to fit ten months of life into a fifty pound weight limit!

2011-06-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

Today it the first day of summer break. I could fill this post with how I'm sad, nervous, everything. I could tell you about how when I said goodbye to my teachers I actually felt emotional about it. Furthermore I could reflect on what this year has taught me. But, nope like I said in a post so long ago I'm keeping my emotions tucked away and out of sight for the time being. It'll do me no good getting all mushy. Bad enough that I'm squishy now...seriously, I have to do the dance of shame to wiggle into my jeans. Darn Fazer!

Speaking of weight gain and shame, last week I had my country day where I talked a bit about the U.S. and Oklahoma. Pictures will now ensue....

...I got nuthin'....

2011-05-18T05:05:00.000-07:00

I could write this post about how there's less than seven weeks separating me from the plane taking me stateside...or I could totally reject the reality of time. I'm going with that last one. So, from now on whenever a new second ticks by my goal is to be totally shocked that the last one ended so quickly. I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this post is so I doubt you'll miss much if you skip it. Its just a really nice day and I kinda feel like chatting.

Let's see...my day's been pretty normal. The weather is wonderful and I'm having trouble remembering the times when being outside was physically painful. I rode by the park which was in full use. Children and parents, a woman with her dog, a couple of ten year olds with saggy pants and Red Bull. I bought another memory stick because my computer almost crashed from lack of space. The woes of a wannna be photographer.

I guess it'd be wrong to keep some pretty cool news from you guys (well, all like six of you anyway). I can now say I have met a bona fide author and journalist. Her name is Amanda Ripley and way back during pre-departure in NY we were told that some D.C. woman was working on a book and if we didn't mind answering questions to sign a waiver. I really didn't think much of it, but once in a while some questions would appear in my inbox. I didn't think I'd actually get to meet her though.

She's writing a book called, The Smart Kids' Club. She's going to multiple countries, she's in Poland at the moment, and interviewing pretty much everyone. She came to Finland and spoke to some pretty important people in the Finnish educational system and then she came up to Pietarsaari for a couple of days. I was given the fun of showing her around the town and talking nonstop. She came to my school and interviewed one of the teachers and tried taking pictures of students without showing their faces. I predict a lot of 'footage'....I think that is possibly the best joke I've ever made in my life. Really, it just came to me and I am now totally secure in my genuisness.

I could say I did it to help the U.S. educational system but really it was more for a free book. Her first book is, The Unthinkable. I'm almost finished and I highly recomend it. It covers some of the more technical aspects of how humans react during disasters. It focuses more on the victims and how they don't always behave the way rescuers assume they do. Being a bit of a psychology geek I'm totally hooked and her writing style is phenomenal. Her writing is intelligent but done in such a way that I can actually hear her voice reading it. I promise if the voices continue once I've finished the book I will seek help...unless I sort of agree with the voices and then we'll just take it a day at a time.

My sister, Kate, is coming very soon and I am seriously flipping my lid with excitement. Mainly because she'll be hauling quite a bit of my junk back across the Atlantic.

hjgjh

Oh, and you know you've been out of the States too long when the word BISCUIT makes you think of this:

And this just makes you

confused......

End of Stay Camp

2011-05-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

We had our final AFS camp this weekend. It seemed like a constant switch between laughter and tears. I also received something very special. At the very first camp we wrote a letter to ourselves and at this camp they returned them. Of course none of you will ever know what I wrote but it easily had me tearing up. There were quite a few emotional projects and it felt very good to hear how others are doing. It seemed that the majority of us experienced a life altering change. When asked what mine was all I could say was, "Now, I speak." which was of course both funny and a bitter sweet truth. I wasted so much time not speaking and I realize that now. I know I missed out on a lot of good memories and relationships that I simply can't make up for. This saddens me. What I also know is that if I hadn't done this, I wouldn't be at the point I am now and might never have been. I owe these past months my voice and my smile.
If you found this somehow and are wondering about AFS (I found it through a girl's Sweden blog) then I won't say you really should do this. That's personal and as hard as it is for me to believe it may not be for everyone, and Finland might not be either. But if you're wondering if its worth the packing, the money, the stress, the tears, the confusion, the frustration, the loneliness then I feel comfortable saying yes. It is worth it. Every negative feeling will be hit upside the head by a positive one. Don't expect glamour but truth is something unavoidable here. You will begin to learn the truth about yourself, your limits, and the country you stay in. You will see what inspires others, what drives them, their motives and their dreams. There's also a good chance you'll find those things inside as well.

I know there was a time when this town was just a vague name but now I can easily call it my town. Not just the place I happen to live, but my town. The streets and shops are filled with memories. I don't know how I'll be able to leave it. No more one euro coffee at the library, no more biking to the second hand store, not having a walk through the park or strolling down the street (yes, I do stroll sometimes) and not seeing the British guy who runs Cafe Nemo and who calls me Oklahoma. It means no more trains or seagulls or motorbikes driving underneath my window at three a.m. It means my world will dissapear and I've known it since I arrived here. Well, I knew I would be leaving. I didn't know I'd be in love, or that I could feel so deeply about a place I've spent such a short time in.

Eudaimonia

2011-03-28T04:22:00.000-07:00

Packing. I swear a tornado followed me from OK and did that....I'm much neater.....

Well, I gotta tell ya some time. Might as well be now when I'm happily running on my Tupla (awesome Finnish chocolate, for those uninformed) high. The past few weeks will undoubtedly make a couple of pretty interesting chapters when I get around to writing that book of mine. However seeing as I can't even keep a consistent journal it might be awhile. Anyways...a few weeks ago I almost had to return early. I'll explain as honestly as I can because I believe the truth is always less scary or grand than what our heads can think up.

I had some depression. Well, they called it depression. I called it that little spark that most like to name as the soul being sucked out of my body. This would happen for a period of a day or two, I'd pick up a bit or so and then sink back down. It didn't go on for an extremely long time but one hour would be enough to make anyone nearby uncomfortable. It wasn't simple sadness. It was a 100 percent lack of interest in anything. Camera? Why would I have a camera? Write? Why should I write, there just is no purpose to me trying to write. This wasn't self hate though, like I said it was just nothing.

As any person with a brain and heart would do, my host mom became worried. Bless her, this is probably too personal but I just don't think she could've been more patient, kind, and simply affectionate. Eventually though it was too much and I visited a doctor. Not a psychologist (that bit comes later) just a run of the mill doc. We spoke for roughly five to ten minutes before I was prescribed a mood lifter or 'happy pills'. We filled the prescription but after serious thought I requested that we hold off on that option for now, that I wanted to fight for me first.

Before I left the U.S. I requested that I go to speak with a psychologist to just double check. It was such an unimportant thing that I completely forgot to inform AFS but when they found out I'd been prescribed medication here from what I can tell their insurance company had a fit.

I completely understand that, of course, but when I was informed that they would be sending me back I was able to grasp all of those overused cliches instantaneously. Yes, people you really can spend over a day thinking you're having a terrible dream. I managed to pack everything I own within a two day time frame. It felt very odd though, to realize I would never set foot in this house again. As I went with my host mom for groceries, to realize I'd never again grace the aisles of Halpa-Halli. That it was over, that I'd failed. That I was going back in shame, only a few months shy of completing what is the only impressive thing I've ever done in this lifetime.

However, while that half of me was brooding and playing really cheesy, sentimental songs the stubborn kick schnecken side was formulating. I swear one side of my head was metaphorically curled up with ice cream and watching a romantic comedy and cuddling a box of Kleenex, the other side was lacing up her combat boots, swiping that black grease under her eyes and finding the latest edition of, I swear I'm mentally stable. Let me rationally convince you of this.

I spend two or three weeks in Helsinki with a couple of different families. Both were kind and supportive. Most of the time I was getting lost, walking around, taking the wrong bus, drinking coffee, almost getting hit by trams, doodling, seeing the sights and oh did I mention that I got lost every single day I was there? Well, I did.

It seemed expected of me that I'd be crying 24/7, emotionally wrecked and totally frightened of my future. Okay maybe that last one was right until we had our first meeting with the psychologist. She immediatly ruled out serious depression and declared that I was not suicidal or likely to go to self harm (which I'd adamently been telling anyone who would listen, anyway.) After that I felt assured that I would be staying. I knew from the beginning I was stable enough to finish the program, and I only needed someone with a degree to verify my claims. So I just sort of went with the flow on it. I can honestly say that despite the circumstances I had a fantastic time in Helsinki. I met some incredibly nice people, saw some neat things...and a lot of things I'll never afford at Sokos.

Now, I'm back in Pietarsaari with a new host family. My former family and I are still on very excellent terms though so no worries there. It also seems like I'll be able to continue writing for the local paper. Yay money!...coughI mean valuable writing experience....

So anyways that's what you've missed. Not quite so excited for ya'll maybe but boy did it stir things up over here.

I will be organized this time......right......

Nixon, Piercings, and Geeks, Oh My!

2011-02-27T23:23:00.000-08:00

Hey ya'll! A week or two ago (who can keep track?) I went to Helsinki to spend some time with another American. In all honesty she's given me the greatest culture shock. Perhaps it isn't so surprising considering that its Oklahoma and Massachusetts. I think she's what the ultra conservatives warn little children about before they can vote...Anyway I'm not here to start talking politics (like I'd know how anyway).

I was introduced to my first opera, Nixon in China, and only giggled at the opening lines. I'm sorry but I just was caught offguard to hear a vibrato "How was your fliiiiiiight?" Considering that I know squat about music, theater, and Mao I still had a really great time. She was right however in pointing out that by decades we were the youngest there....and I think also the only one with cookies and popcorn.

Then we were walking around the theatre and found a free culture museum. The best part is that I've finally found someone else willing to just stand there and actually read the descriptions and information.

Also, this trip had another purpose which was to introduce me to two shows I was a bit reluctant to watch - Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dr. Who. It may have been the exhaustion, or the cheap processed foods but somehow I ended up really enjoying both. I think it may take a certain amount of motivation to start watching Dr. Who though, especially when an episode is prefaced with, Okay this is the one with Van Gogh and the giant invisible chicken.

We also went to the zoo and arrived in time to see the tigers feeding. Sadly, no red pandas made an appearance though.

Oh and I took the plunge and got the helix piercing that I've been wanting for quite a while. I pretty much made an idiot of myself because it is cartilage so I just assumed it would hurt like the Dickens (what does that saying mean anyway?!). I asked if I could hold the pillow and would ask Emma for encouragement, "What do I get after?" "Ben and Jerry's!". Then when the woman asked if I wanted to see the needle I felt my eyes widen and sat there for about three seconds...."I'll show you when its over."

Here's the embarrasing part - it didn't hurt in the least. Did it feel good? Well, no but it wasn't really what I would call painful and it took less than two seconds. I was dissapointed in a way because I was really trying hard to be brave and that was it? A little bit of blood and that was it? I still got my ice cream though, with sprinkles. I figure that just because bravory wasn't required I was still prepared to be brave and that in itself was worthy of ice cream.

Our final portion of the trip was Kiasma. It was my first modern art museum and I'll just be honest and say I did not get it...

Of course, now my helix swollen and I'm going to the doctor in a few hours to see if its in infected...well, atleast I had my ice cream.

Also blogger is being difficult so as soon as it lets me add photos of course I will.

Mid-Stay

2011-01-26T09:41:00.000-08:00

We had our Mid-Stay camp this weekend. I absolutely love having activities by AFS, and not just because the events themselves kick schnecken but also it turns out that I love being on trains and buses. I just get this great little spark in my soul when I snuggle into a bus seat or take my coat off in a train. I don't know where it comes from but it just gives me this great feeling of hope. I can go anywhere, step off at any station, wander down any street....and then have my host mom freak out and call the police thus setting off a nationwide search for a lost brown haired American girl about 5'5"......well, you get the idea. That isn't really my thought process, its just how I feel deep inside when I have the quiet moments that a bus ride gives. Anyway, you don't really wanna hear me talk. What you really want is to see me in physical pain and so ladies and gentlemen (like any of those would read this) I give you.......

AVANTO!!!

You know when you have to wear wool socks with your swimsuit something is seriously wrong...

2011-01-07T04:23:00.000-08:00

So does anyone else ever lie in bed at night, let their thoughts just float and have an amazing idea? Well, that happened to me last night but unfortunately my genius was killed by a warm blanket and soft pillow so my killer idea for a blogpost (one that would redeem my wanna be attempts at whatever psycho philosophy I've been attempting) that would talk more about my time here and the actual foreign exchange itself.....gone. Completely obliterated with what I believe to be no hope for recovery. I think what's making this whole blog thing more difficult for me is that there is no average, run of the mill day. Every day has some unique characteristic so how am I supposed to sum it all up? Aside from when I got some horrendous kind of infection my first month here every day requires some kind of strong mental interaction. Even a basic family dinner is hard for me to zone out of because I can't just float back into the conversation. No, if I want to have the smallest hint of what the heck's going on I have to give my complete and total focus. That took some getting used to because think about how often you really focus. When you're on the phone with the TV on are you really listening to your sister's woes or is your attention really grasped by who's getting interviewed by Ellen? Or even something as seemingly dull as shopping. Imagine taking a good ten minutes just to guess what kind of flour you'll need. On a more political level can you describe our healthcare system? What about comparing it to other modern countries? Oh and you get bonus points for not using a cuss word or saying 'communism'.

So, while that certainly wasn't what I had floating around my head last night (although I don't know what it was I can tell you what it wasn't) that seems to be a part of going on a grass roots exchange. You'll have to think more than some of us are accustomed to. I'm beginning to pick up the habit and I sincerely hope it stays with me when I return even when I'm surrounded again by don't cares, so whats, and my personal favorite it doesn't affect me. I thought so too. Of course if some idiot decides pushing the big red button to start a nuclear war would be neat then yeah you bet it'll matter. But what about what happens before the metaphorical big red button? What about the conflicts, hostages, threats, negotiations that lead to nothing, the genocide, the shameless political cover ups. Its all real, it feels real to me. Want the truth? It feels too real for my comfort because it is too real for my comfort.

I'm not staying in a third world country, I've never met a man from Darfur or protested a war. I'm in Finland which is one of the more overlooked countries out there (You know I love you Finland and you've done good things but its the truth). However, its helping me realize that holy crap there are other countries out there and we're all part of earth. Sure America is kind of on a pedestal of sorts at the moment but everyone knows what an empire does best is fall. We need to wake up. Its as simple and complicated as that. Remember I'm not a philosopher, informed about politics, with an unimpressive GPA. That doesn't mean I can't read the NY Times though. And the fact that I have no relatives starving and wasting away is no reason to ignore it. Ignoring it (as the cliche goes) doesn't make it go away. I'd be more than happy to hide under the covers but the monsters will still be there. My uneducated and barely informed solution? Tolerance. You hear it and think yah yah I know accept everyone for whoever they wanna be or whatever. But really if you pull the blanket away from your face you might see that some of those monsters (opposing political parties, different religous views, etc) aren't scary at all but rather a lamp casting a shadow or a tree outside of your window. Its kind of funny that we're all screaming (particularly teens) to be accepted for who we are and how dare anyone criticize or judge us but in the same breath we'll bash another religion or on a smaller scale a clique for acting in a way we never would. That's not to say we should tolerate everything. Cruelty, and oppression should not be on the list of things to tolerate but really I don't care what kind of God you're praying to or if you want to wear a bulbasaur costume to the mall. There are monsters out there, I'm not saying that we're all good and decent folk but the quickest way to rid ourselves of them is to know what they are in the first place. Okay, this probably makes me sound paranoid as heck but I assure you I'm not building a bunker and learning how to survive an apocolyptic world its just that somehow my trying to explain an average day in Finland has erupted into some loaded accusation against the majority of the population. It wasn't intentional, I swear but I'm still learning how to think after all and it might take some practice.

The Decade is Done

2010-12-31T14:23:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness. That means I'm safe.

Okay, I'm beginning this post half an hour into 2011. While I'm not really a fan of New Years it does kind of make me think. I've lived through a decade. Someday in 2110 some girl will be thinking about what it must have been like in 2010 thinking about what it was like in 1910. My biggest fear is that my life isn't going anywhere, that I'll end up spending eternity across from a scuzy diner (good ole Sallisaw Cemetary). I'm amazed sometimes at how quickly things develop. Its only been a decade but here's a recap of my more vivid memories beginning in '00. I know its pretty egotistical to review my small piece of existence but hey its my blog so if I wanna stretch my ego while forcing you to relive random bits of my childhood then there isn't a better place to do it.

2000 - Kindergarten. I went to Central Public School. The class was right by the entrance door. The teacher was Ms. Haggard. I walked in and put away my Lisa Frank backpack. I saw a skinny girl with freckles and long red hair. I walked to her and said 'Hi'. Her name was Kasey. She ended up bullying me out of some of my candy money almost daily.

2001 - I had a teacher that scared the pants off of me. I almost started crying in class because I didn't know how many circles to draw when it said a dozen. We would sit every morning and sing songs about numbers, months, and a couple of patriotic songs. I still think the months of the year to that tune.

One day mom was late picking me up. When I got in the car I asked why. I wasn't really upset but still, it was kind of scary to be the only kid left. She said a building was destroyed and that a lot of people had been hurt. Oh, I thought as we drove down the poorly paved country road, that's kinda sad. I wonder what the big deal is though?

Nowadays I almost miss when the world wasn't painful to look at.

2002 - I try to write a letter to then President George W. Bush. I saw on GMA that they were connecting electronic devices to rat's brains to control their movements and reward them. It was supposed to help find bombs. I sat by the vending machine near the gym with my notebook. Two 'friends' asked me what I was doing. Happy to have supporters I told them all about it. I was mocked and teased and ignored. To this day some peers still sing the same teasing song to me.

I was really interesting in archeology, paleontology, and geology. I knew more about dinosaurs, when they lived, etc. than I do today.

2003 - I vividly remember youth league cheerleading (don't judge) and a 'singing trio' I was a part of. For the record I cannot sing, I never could. I was being used because my house had the good snacks. We were the Cool Cats. I really can't believe I'm admitting that and I will regret it tomorrow when I re-read this post. I also got my first B on a report card, I bawled like a baby.

We did a competition called Odessey of the Mind in Gifted and Talented. I was mime and that was probably a record for the longest I went without speaking.

2004 - For the record I remember Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. I also remember Martha Stewart going to jail. It freaked the heck out of me. If the queen of home decor can get arrested no one is safe. I cared for a Tamagotchi for what I remember as months and once when I accidently left it in my locker I insisted we drive out there to get it during the weekend so it wouldn't starve. This was the year I really started faking stomach pains. All of my life I'd had IBS but I was having trouble coping with the stress of school. Math was now impossible, not just difficult. I had no friends, and I felt completely isolated from my peers. I read my first book on the Holocaust.

2005 - I move to Sallisaw Public Schools. This year would be the first of many that I would be called a hippie (although let the record show I don't think I qualify as one). We had a school program and each class was a different decade. Ours was the '70s. Luckily one of my aunts lent me a great costume complete with a long blonde wig. It was insanely hot in the auditorium but I refused to take off the wig. I think this was also the time I grew extremely afraid of my mortality.

2006 - I begin middle school and band. There were three colors of mold in the geography room and the auditorium features an abundance of wildlife including mice, bats, spiders, and numerous insects. On the first day I walked past some eighth grade football players and remember telling a friend 'Oh my god I see big people!' I also had one of my best English teachers. She was very interactive. One lesson I remember distinctly was when we were randomly segregated for a few days. It really gave us a way to feel empathy for those discriminated against.

The night Saddam Hussein was hung I lied in bed and tried to figure out how to pray for the soul of an evil man.

Calie was adopted. She'd been thrown out of a moving car and was the only survivor. Her original name was Buffy but believe me she's much more of a Calie.

2007 - I realize I'm terrible at flute. When the last Harry Potter book came out my aunt, mom and I attended a bookstore's Harry Potter Party. I was sorted into Ravenclaw and to this day have the badge. I took the ACT (or SAT. Its pathetic but right now I can't remember). I left there with a major headache but recieved recognition for my scores. This also meant summer programs started contacting me, inviting me to places such as Duke to study medieval literature during my summer vacation. It never worked out but one day I got an invitation from a college prep school in Colorado. What ensued was months of insecurity, determination and in the end failure. I didn't get in but it definitely encouraged me to keep trying.

2008 - I'm secretly a vegetarian for about three months. At school it was pretty easy but home was trickier, let me tell ya.

2009 - On the day Barack Obama is elected president a tabloid is passed around the class. On the cover he's wearing a turban and insulted for being a Muslim. I'm still confused as to why that would matter.

We have to dissect a frog in Science. Being me it was no surprise when someone had to assist me out of the room and into the bathroom. I didn't throw up but did pass out on the floor.

I started high school. It wasn't great but not nearly as bad as I was expecting. I quit band (a decision I hated having to make) .

After a lot of effort and fear I was accepted into AFS but if you've kept up with the blog you know how that story goes.

2010 - I returned to Montana and once again fell in love. There truly is no sky like Montana sky. Anyone who says there is is a straight up liar. We adopted George for my birthday. We don't know his story, only that he needed a home. Tom and the crabs would later follow.

2011 - I am a fifteen year old who just traced a few of her strongest memories back to her first day of school. Sometimes I really don't feel connected to that kid who used to drink Big Red using a Twizzler as a straw. As I look back at who I was sometimes I marvel that that was ever me. Was there really a time when I thought I could sing? Or believed coyotes were evil and scary (I had some irrational fears, okay.) I started this decade off at a teeny tiny country school and began a new one in a different country in a different continent.

Perhaps this post really wasn't for my family or anyone else reading this. After all it couldn't have been interesting. It also mainly revolved around school, I know. If I'd tried to recap strictly my personal life it would've taken way too long and have been way too deep for anyone other than the pages of my Muumi journal.

I'd also like to make it clear that my aim was not to illicit sympathy or pity. I'm just not a social person, what can I say? Those are only minor parts of my childhood that stuck out in my memory and in no way was I fishing for a few 'poor Kim's.

However I feel that for me it was helpful to lay out the years that have passed so that I can begin the process of planning out the future. After the next decade I wonder if I'll feel as distant from this Kim as I do from the Pokemon loving, ponytail wearing Nancy Drew lover from yester-year. I'll try to make my next post more relevant to my life here but I just had to kind of get these thoughts out of my head.

Oh, and what kind of glasses will people wear at Times Square now that the middle digits aren't zeros?

2010-11-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

Right now its midnight and I should be curled up in my bed dreaming of broiling hot summers and decent peanut butter but sleep refuses to come so heck with it I might as well post some useless ramblings. I really feel confused sometimes. I forget how young fifteen is sometimes until people remind me - "You're only fifteen? Why'd you go on an exchange so young? Isn't your family worried?" The thing I really have trouble explaining is that in order for me to have what I felt to be a good quality of life I had to do something, anything really. I felt like there was a brick on my chest that restricted my breathe and was cutting off oxygen to my brain. I'll admit I'm not a well adjusted person but I can honestly say that in these past months I've seen a bit of growth in myself that I don't believe could have occured in Oklahoma. Admittedly, I have a lot of work to do. More so than most people, because we should all be developing until the day we die, but I feel like I'm starting to get more of a solid direction. My main goal now is to never take any moment here for granted. I have to remember that it will feel horrible when I'm back stateside to remember this and think that if only I'd done this or that....because these moments I'm living now can never be re-created.

That's also an attitude I need to keep with my Finnish because honestly its tough for me. Really, really tough. We're expected to be speaking by Christmas. That's what we're all told but I'm really going to have to knuckle down and just study more consistently. I kind of have a decent idea as far as nouns go but I could really benefit by expanding my knowledge of verbs.

The column is going. I won't say well and in twenty years I'll probably look back at what I wrote and hide in shame but its a column and it has my name and I'm really just amazed I have the opportunity.

Horse riding might have come to an end. Despite wearing two pairs of socks by the time my hour was up my toes had turned blue-ish. It took quite a bit of sauna to put me back in working order. Obviously, I hate the thought of not riding. Its really begun to mean a lot to me and I find the horses themselves to be such a calming influence but if I can't put my full attention on it then there's no point.

In Finnish we're supposed to be reading Seitseman Veljesta or the Seven Brothers. Its basically THE classic of Finland because it was written by a Finn and not a Swede (which can sometimes be a touchy subject) . When you speak minimal Finnish though you get to read. . . . . .

Believe it or not I'm actually looking forward to it. With my mediocre Finnish it'll be challenging without being overwhelming and hey at my age I don't get many opportunities to read a book with pictures in it.

Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature - Einstein

2010-11-24T09:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here for three months. That simply isn't possible. Surely, its only been a week? Or maybe a lifetime? Heck, it could be two or three lifetimes. For any future AFSers reading this (and I sincerely hope there are because who wants to talk to themselves?) when you become an AFSer you will have plenty of support, people, papers, tips, and so on for how to deal with every problem under the sun...or in my case moon because the sun is only up for about six hours...but what I wasn't prepared for was just how good it is.
Yesterday was a particular day for me because Thanksgiving is coming up and for my family its a pretty big event. I couldn't help but think of my family all gathered around a table full of goodies, sitting by a fire late at night eating marshmallows, the drama that comes with females making up the majority of our family, walking down to the creek, playing board games, and the list goes on. But then my little sister hugged me and we sat like that for some time and then I grew confused because - wait, I was missing my family but I have family here too. I was missing my home but I was about to snuggle into my bed. Besides didn't I play a game with my sisters just the other day? So then why was I homesick?
And furthermore why was I feeling down? Hasn't my Finnish been improving, even if it isn't happening as fast as I'd planned? Hadn't I somehow, with a suspected divine intervention, passed my psychology exam? Didn't I just return from my first festival where I spent three days with two Italians, a Spanish girl, and another from Belgium? Isn't this so much more than I ever thought I'd do in my life? So, my inner me chastised, you really are being ridiculous.
Whether or not I was ready for it I now have two homes. So there is my warning to all who wish to embark on the truly life changing journey that is AFS. Another warning is to not read this and think Oh wow! Sunshine and rainbows and smiles! because then you'll just be dissapointed. It can be tough. It will be tough in different ways for different people. You will make mistakes, you will have disagreements, you will feel ridiculous, you won't always get along with your family. That's life though. The secret though is to handle these things, deal with them in a mature way and always be on the lookout for the next good moment. Here's an example:
Every morning I walk to school. At first I biked and it took about ten to fifteen minutes and I could watch the sun rise. Now its usually around 5 F, icy, and pitch black. Sometimes there's wind, really really really cold wind. My walks are usually a good thirty minutes and if its especially icy or I'm especially tired it can take around forty. Mornings are the time I have to actively find the good because, hey, I'm a teen which means I can be predisposed to complain. So what's the good? The silence. Aside from an occasional car I'm absolutely alone. As odd as it sounds its a nice feeling to walk in the dark alone. The world feels so big, and everything thats tough doesn't matter as much because in that one moment in time I'm just another human living just another life and just trying to make it count for something. My titles slip away. I'm not an American, an Oklahoman, a niece, a daughter, a granddaughter, a cousin, a student, a fifteen year old, an agnostic, a chatter box, a dreamer, a klutz. I just am.
Its hard to explain and you'll probably think I'm crazy but if you weren't thinking that already I'd be surprised. So that's a piece of my life in Finland. I won't pretend that I can sum up these three months into anything brief. There's just too much happening in too many ways every second of the day. I promise I'll try to get back to writing more though and not get too caught up in life here because now its getting interesting.

Quick Pics

2010-10-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! These are just a few random pictures because I'm too lazy(I mean BUSY) to write anything close to decent.

My package from home. Note the Jiffy lurking in the corner. Yay for processed artificial and modified foods!

The best lip balm on the entire planet. My sister, Kate, sent it to me along with a miriad of other natural/organic goodies but this is the prize. I think I sat there huffing it for about five minutes before I realized it went on my lips and then the temptation to eat it like candy.....

The rug in my bedroom. Its also half twin playroom so that means I get some pretty awesome furnishings if I do say so myself.

This guy has to be my favorite. Maybe its my inner Okie showing? I just love how he has a bit of cotton instead of straw in his mouth.

Also, is it wrong that at the age of fifteen I was excited by my dinosaur curtain? I'm starting to worry about me....

The bad part of snow

The good part of snow. : )

PumpkinMan, PumpkinMan, Catch a Cookie If You Can

2010-10-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I invited a few people over to carve jack o'lanterns with me. I know that Halloween isn't exactly on Finland's top list of celebrations but I refuse to have my spooktacular times stolen from me.

So, those are the people I lured over to my house with the promise of cookies.

Correction: Those are the people I lured over to my house with the SECOND batch of cookies. The first ones kind of fell apart into minute pieces of yumminess. Great on ice cream but not as a cookie.

All I could find were baby pumpkins but it was better than a turnip (which are darn hard to carve, I've tried). It was a lot of fun though to just relax and have a care free evening.

And, because I'm me, I got into a debate with Helena about food. I guess that's what happens when you put an Italian and an American in the same room. We were discussing whether or not beef jerky is healthy or not. She pointed out that it was red meat and also claimed that it tasted like dog food. I said that it was a high protein snack and I can't help that dogs have good taste. In the end though this is my blog, all mine and no one else's which gives me the ultimate power. Cue evil music and thunder clap here.

So for the record in moderation jerky IS healthy and I refuse to listen to someone who puts FRENCH FRIES ON THEIR PIZZA! Obviously my pizza tastes bad because, well I am American but really? Italy? No excuse. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Random pics

2010-10-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Deija and her pony

Okay so it isn't the best photo in the world but its of my very first Finnish snow.

Our first frost a few weeks ago.

5 Favorite Finnish Firsts (Complete Alliteration!)

2010-10-06T08:41:00.001-07:00

5. When I was able to drink the coffee without sugar and milk. The coffee here is by leaps and bounds superior to America's. So much so, in fact, that I can't believe its the same drink. However, it is a bit stronger and fuller in flavor so that took a week or two (or three) to adapt to.

4. The first time I biked succesfully to my school, then to Hallpa-Halle and then returned home. Also, I only almost got hit by a car once! ^.^ ....although I did almost hit a car and a woman with a stroller but still I was still happy! ^.^

3. I went shopping solo to buy the ingredients for an apple pie (how America-y of me.) and not only did I remember to weigh and label my own produce I also understood automatically what the cashier said. Granted she didn't say much but still, give me my moments.

2. When my host mom and I went to pick up my host sisters from kindergarten they both hugged me. C'mon everybody "1, 2, 3....Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

1. My first spoonful of lingonberry porridge. I think I connected with the Divine at that moment.

Also, here's the recipe for the pie if you're interested. This was my first fruit pie so obviously it wasn't earth shattering but I think if I tried again it would be as delicious as described here: http://octoberfarm.blogspot.com/2010/09/magic-apple-pie-and-trip-to-pumpkin.html

2010-09-26T02:36:00.000-07:00

I've been in Finland for exactly 38 days. 38 days of amazement, frustration, gratitude, learning and amazing kahvi.

My experience has been so much more than I've expected. But let me start from the beginning:

On the 18th I said good bye to my mom, sister, grandparents and aunt at the Tulsa airport.

I arrived at the NY airport safe and sound (which for me is a HUGE accomplishment) I met two other AFSers. Both were eighteen year olds so while they chatted about college applications I tried to keep up as I lugged my 55 pound checked bag (needing to have that much in a suitcase is not something I'm proud of) and my 20 pound carry on. As embarresing as it is to admit I did need help up the stairs but in my defense I hadn't eaten anything since 5 p.m. the day before and only managed to clock two hours of sleep.

We all stayed in a NY hotel and had a good time. Ironically the twelve of us going to a stereotypically quiet and reserved country were laughing the loudest. I was very excited about my first trans Atlantic flight and only napped during take off so by the time we arrived in Copenhagen I hadn't slept at all during the seven hour flight.

I'll admit I probably looked like an idiot American when we flew over Finland for the first time, but the two girls next to me seemed to share the same emotions. "LOOK! OUR FIRST FINNISH FIELD! OH MY GOD OUR FIRST FINNISH TREE! OUR SECOND FINNISH TREE!! HOLY CRAP OUR FIRST FINNISH FLAG!!!"

I calmed down once we landed. Well, I acted calm. On the inside I was getting nervous. We'd already gotten lost once in the airport and I wasn't looking forward to finding Susse and the girls on my own. Luckily I worried for naught because they were there front and center waiting for me. Susse hugged me immediatly. The girls were more shy until I played with them on the escalators. The train ride was tiring and by the we'd picked Deija up from doggy day care and reached the house I was very relieved to put my bag down.

The first week passed in a blur and I'm amazed at how quickly school and home are becoming familiar to me. At first I was awkward and uncertain about everything, even things that are supposed to be simple like how much milk to add to my porridge but now I can actually make it...well sort of.

School is difficult and I always have a head ache but I love the challenge. The language is pretty much the same. But there's so much good happening in my life. I feel like I've been on auto pilot and now suddenly instead of just going through the functions of human life I'm starting to actually live an individual life.

For example I'm now taking riding lessons at the local stables and Susse somehow managed to convince the people at the local paper to give me a column. Yes, my very own column. Its every other wednesday which is plenty for me. I don't know how long they'll let me keep it but Susse thinks I'll be writing it until I leave.

I know this is turning into a very long post but I have a confession I feel I must make. I've tried my best to hide it but I've given in to an addiction. This isn't something I'm proud of and it will follow me for the rest of my life.

My name is Kim Pate and I am a lingonberry addict. I recognize that admitting this is the first step. The second step is learning how to make a pie out of them.

Mina Rakastan Sinua

2010-08-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

This will not necessarily be an easy post for me. I truly believe the most beautiful thing about the human race is our ability to feel things to an amazing depth and share it with our fellow beings and the Earth we are graced to live on. However, I am not what you would consider a publicly emotional person. I've only cried once at school and try to refrain from it in public at all. I'll admit I don't always succeed but I like my bubble and very rarely feel comfortable letting anyone in said bubble. In fact you could say its not exactly a bubble, more like a steel box. I'm not really a mushy person. I rolled my eyes at Romeo and Juliet and enjoy Valentine's Day only for the copious amount of chocolates available. However, I realized today that this could be one of my faults - I feel embarrassed for feeling. So, because I am not able to say these things to you in person, I will type this and hope you read it. I mention few people specifically because it would simply take up too much space and too much time. Besides this isn't exactly easy enough as is. So, here it goes:

To my dearest -

Aunts. I feel, especially with my trip soon arriving, that I have been given four wonderful people who care about me in a way that is rivaled only by their sister who birthed me. The unconditional out pour of love and support is more than I ever thought I could deserve. You all have made me feel so loved and cared for I hardly know how to handle it, except to thank you for supporting my dreams from the very beginning. I hope you know its left an impact.

Sisters. While the two of you may be individuals, one common denominator I've found is your never ending amount of kindness, love, and patience ( I'm well aware I can be a handful ; ). I'm so comforted by the fact that I could call either of you at this moment and receive the best advice and encouragement. I feel so proud to claim myself as your youngest sibling and that I feel no matter how my life goes I will always be able to say, "Yes, those are my sisters. Yes, I know they're amazing."

Mom. I am a teenager. You are the mother of a teenager. I'm sorry in advance. However whatever person I grow into, a part of it will always be because of you. You have been permanently ingrained in my mind and choices as a constant influence which will no doubt continued far beyond the point of my growing into an adult. Thank you so much for trying so hard to accept my AFS experience, which I know you have struggled with. I want to make it clear that I appreciate this very much.

Cousins. Yes, I only see you once a year at best but oddly enough those few days sustain me throughout. Let's face it - you guys taught me the basics of life. Like playing Clue and how the simple action of damming up a creek with rocks can be so satisfying. I feel that I can truly look to every one of you as someone I respect, admire, and love. My amazement has never ceased when it comes to your patience around the 'baby cousin' and how you have all become amazingly individualistic adults before my very eyes. You are all a major influence in my life even if we aren't necessarily 'close'. You've gone from the God like status in the eyes of a 2nd grader to...well if I can break from any attempt at eloquence....some of the coolest people I know.

Grandparents. How could I even begin to let you know the never ending love and respect I feel for both of you? Your lives have been full of all of the things life should have - family, home, a touch of adventure and discovery, and a strong will to overcome any obstacle. I cannot believe the patience you have with me. It is no fiblet when I say that my appreciation for your concern for me is immeasurable. I hope someday, in someway, to repay your kindness.

Aunt Kaye. While I have never met you I have heard the most wondrous things about you. Our short phone conversation was enough to convince me entirely of your kind spirit. Specifically thank you for the use of the laptop I am now typing up this post on.

Angie & Chris. From our first encounter I've felt welcome around both of you. From unexpected gifts to interesting conversations you have undoubtedly added a beautiful facet to the gem that is my life.

Susanna. To me you will always be the embodiment of kindness. Your immediate support of basically a stranger shows that. Your smile and laugh are as appreciated as the wonderful items you've gifted to keep me warm.

Friends. How to begin? You are all so unique that I find it difficult to thank you all as a whole. However that is something I'd like to begin with in the thanks department. Thank you for being the quirky oddballs that you were born as, and thank you for letting me experience these quirks first hand....and for tolerating mine. I hope we can stay in some measure of contact while I'm away.

Family and Support I have yet to meet. While I may have never seen your picture more than once and you have never heard my voice I hope you hear it now. The fact that you would kindly encourage a girl you have never even met makes me feel all the more thankful there are kind hearts like you in the world. While I have not named you specifically I hope every single one of you know I am speaking to you with the utmost sincerity.

Well, now that this is completed I believe it is time to put a stopper in the bottle of emotions and keep them bottled up for a long while to come. Thank you all again and please check back here once in awhile for updates on my travels. I will be emailing with some of you but I'm only putting pictures on here for sake of convenience.

Spread the Schnecken

2010-08-07T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well if your obsessing over my life (please don't. Odd are I don't know you extremely weird and now I feel paranoid...) you know that on the 18th I'll be in New York and on the 20th I will be in Helsinki....Holy Schnecken!* Anyway I'm pretty much being the kind of person that drives me up the wall. I'm running around and going nowhere with no actual goal. I just feel like if I'm not doing something I'm somehow failing as an exchange student.

I packed the first layer of my suitcase. The bottom compartment is more solid so I filled it with things more smooshable (I love making up words) which is basically everything a delicate Southern belle such as myself needs to survive a harsh winter. I managed to fit in a pair of lighter gloves and a pair of gloves that I'll use when I climb Mt. Everest. Both of these from my sister when I visited her in Austin (coolest place I've ever been by the way.). I also have two very awesome pieces of winter gear from my aunt's friend, Susanna. She seems to have an absolute heart of gold although I may be biased considering she brought me back a wool hat from Ireland and gave me the softest scarf from Peru. I also crammed in about five sweaters, various undergarments such as leggings, and my L.L. Bean coat that I absolutely love.

I'm not much of a fashionista (unless t-shirts and flip flops count) but I feel extremely spoiled when it comes to my Arctic survival.

Anyway now that I'm done bragging I'd like to send an indescribably heart felt appreciation to my grandparents. They went far, far beyond the call of duty when they willingly and unhesitatingly provided the remaining $3,ooo + AFS tuition.

I am ashamed to say I failed and that through lack of my own effort I was unable to do this myself and that I broke the one promise I had made to myself: That I would not ask them for financial support. It is not something that is easy for me to admit and that is why this post has been so delayed in its creation.

However on a less self pitying note I would like to say that I feel so lucky and grateful to have John and Carol Self as my grandparents...even if I'm paying off my debt in sweet potato pies *shudder* sooo...much....cinnamon.....

Well that's the end of the official post. Now I'm going to tack on a once in a lifetime segment -

KIM'S MEDICATED RANTS!!!!

About a week ago I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. Aside from the Rocky Knocked Me Out t-shirt I also got general anesthesia and pain pills for the first time. It just so happened that this surgery coincided with my Aunt Nancy visiting. She came with us and sat with my mom during surgery. On the way back I woke up to her in the back of the car, me in the passenger seat with a stuffed pony I named Butterscotch (after a story I wrote in 3rd grade about a princess and her faithful steed) and my mom driving. Because my mouth was stuffed with gauze and I was higher than a kite in May they gave me paper and a pen. Big mistake.

(First on a small scrap of a receipt)

Why can't I talk

N: You have gauze in your mouth. We'll get you home soon

Bird in cage

N: You feel like a bird in a cage (I nod) Don't worry. You're doing fine.

I feel special

N: You are special sweetie. (Here I object and make the circular motion next to my head meaning crazy)

I'm NEVER doing drugs. This isn't me.

N: Alright. Just lay back and go to your zen place, okay?

(I fall asleep for either half an hour or a few seconds. I still can't tell. Then I try to write on the paper but I can't find it so I write on my hand "I want to ride a roller coaster." and then proceed to go WEEEEEEEE every time we hit a bump. We get to the house but here our stories differ. I actually floated into the house and into the recliner while in an otherworldly state. In fact I suspect an out of body experience. However my mom and aunt are under the delusion that they lifted me up with my arms around them. Poor, deceived people. Anyway I'm given a full sheet of paper this time....)

Put a lime in the coffeepot

want my dragon (imagine me trying to say dragon and groping blindly in front of me while they try to remember if I have a stuffed dragon. Calie soon hops up though and I grab onto her, smiling, and fumble through the word dragon.)

N: Ohh that's your dragon.

(I see Tom and George and feel the need to assign them mythological identities. I write the word SPHINX and draw an arrow pointing to George and Angel pointing to Tom much to the confusion of my caregivers)

Olut

Olut Please!

OLUT

(Eventually I resort to drawing it...twice. Still to no avail as they desperately try to accommodate my apparently desperate need for the oh so elusive olut.)

Olut = Finnish for beer

(Needless to say my request was not met. Then when my mom tried to give me two bags of peas to help the swelling I roll my eyes)

Peas go under bed dummy

That ends the ramblings of me aside from where I claim to be sober and apologize for my dragon's behavior. She threatened Aunt Nancy when she got too close. She would never have actually bitten her in an aggressive manner but she is very attuned to how I'm feeling and will occasionally play 'momma dog' I will finish this post by saying that in the end pain pills are either very good or very bad to me - depending on perspective. I also demanded Gourmet Purple Pudding on Punday because A.) Pudding deserves its own day so Sunday should be given a P

B.) Alliterations are fun and C.) If anyone could make gourmet pudding it would be my sister.

*schnecken is a fabulous dessert I got in Austin. Its shaped like a cinnamon bun but has loads of almond-y goodness and a less sweet icing. Anyway its called a schnecken. I realize that cussing is not a lady like activity and only makes me sound uneducated so every time I feel the urge to let one slip I simply replace the inappropriate word with schnecken. Picture every phrase in your mind and replace it with schnecken...it works. : P

Kiitos and Iso news

2010-06-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

First of all I'd like to thank (again) my Aunt Weetie for continuous financial support. Thank you so much for being the rock I desperately need in these waves of emotions, self doubt, and excitement. *deep breath* And moving on....

Six days ago at 12:34 p.m. I experienced the most thrilling 13 minutes and 20 seconds of my life.

I was sitting in my Papa's recliner when I felt my phone vibrate. I assumed it was my mom but when I checked I didn't recognize the number until I saw the word Finland underneath it. I had already missed the call once before because my phone had died. So I jumped out of the chair, pulled out my retainer (it gives me a pretty bad lisp) and ran outside to get better reception.

It was wonderful, static-y, and lost in laughs but to hear their voices...

Sussane was very excited and she although her singing voice is phenomenal it was something else just to hear her speak. Even when her words lack background music they never lacked a melody. It was so good to hear her actually say she was looking forward to seeing me. I was barefoot and dancing around the rock pathway like a lunatic.

Then the girl's wanted to talk but they only spoke Finnish so one would ask me in Finnish, then Sussane would translate, and then I would answer in English so she could translate it back to Finnish. They had the most angelic voices, so full of innocence, hopes, and dreams...not that I'm biased of course. ; ) Even remembering it here makes me smile and close my eyes.

Each of them had plenty to say and they even managed to say a few things in English for the first time. Needless to say I was extremely impressed.

They also sent me photos of their (and soon my) freshly cleaned house.

One of the storage places with a glimpse of the kitchen.

Kitchen table. My mom's a journalist, hence all of the newspapers.

The bed I'll be using when I arrive.

I've always wanted to sleep in a bunkbed and now I finally am!

I found out today that a generous donor in Arkansas gave me $2,000. It should have gone to someone in Arkansas but because I live so close they allowed me to have it. So for now all things seem to be working (knock on wood) For once in my life I feel like this is EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be, doing EXACTLY what I should be doing. No more doubts or worry. From this point on I pledge to awaken every morning, take a deep breath and smile. I will throw caution to the wind and soak up every moment from here til the end because this is truly the adventure of a lifetime and I have been honored enough to call it mine.

Cookies, tomatillos, and Crabs

2010-05-07T20:02:00.001-07:00

Yet again I'm sure its been a while, but oh well. I never said that I wasn't a procrastinator, did I? I didn't think so.

Well, fundraising is going slow, but unsteady. I had a bake sale a few weeks back but that earned me less than $100. It was also a bit stressful - at one point I went to bed at 1 a.m. and at 6 a.m. promptly rolled off the sofa and turned on the oven. However, this is probably a process I'll have to repeat very soon because my back up plan is well....turns out that selling your kidney is considered a black market affair.

We've also gained an addition to the family. No, don't be silly of course a baby wasn't born - we just got another cat. My oldest sister, Amy, moved to Fort Smith from Dallas. She came with two cats and a giant burnt sausage that she passes as a dog. Anyway they're all black and the shedding was just too much. So now we have Tom (or Tomatillo as I've christened him)

Markuu passed away last month. My mom found him out of his shell so we (by we I mean my mom, I was freaking out in a corner) put him in an isolation tank with clean shells, water, and food. We waited but when the dreaded fish smell arrived we knew he had lost the brave fight. Now he's buried in a miniature cardboard coffin* with his favorite shell. I really need to buy Tarja another companion, because I already see signs of depression and I don't know if she can survive another wave of it.

I'm still working on my Finnish. I know about 150 words which really amounts to nothing but hey I'm trying. If only I could roll those darn r's. However one cool thing about the Finnish language is that the word for he is han and the word for she is also han. As a self proclaimed feminist that's pretty neat.

Anyway life is busy now. School is soon to end and my Finnish adventure soon to begin.

Now I'm off to nurse my week long cold with a fuzzy blanket, Food Network, and a kitten.

*Did you just call me over-emotional? Well, it may have been 'just a hermit crab' but darn it he was cute and kinda funny.

KIITOS!!

2010-04-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank the people who contributed directly to my tuition through my blog's ChipIn this month -

Karen Self
Kate Patton
Nancy Soileau

I know I probably over use this statement but thank you for your never ending love and support!

Holy Meatballs!

2010-04-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hi, I'd like to ask whoever is out there in cyber space reading my blog a question. Did you know I'm going to Finland in August? Of course you know I've been accepted, selected by an amazing Finnish family, etc. but apparently I've been so busy getting to Finland that I never actually...and I swore to myself long ago that I would never write this metaphor but here it goes...stopped to smell the roses.

Now I'd like to state right here before I'm misunderstood that I have never for even a second regretted the country and family that I will be learning from next year. However, while cleaning up the kitchen it hit me like a wave crashing over a desert - You will be leaving. You won't be here. There is an actual family that is living and breathing and maybe, just maybe thinking about that American girl Kimberly who will be sharing their home and lives.

I've been so occupied with the money and the paperwork (darn that paperwork by the way) and the convincing of my friends and family that this whole AFS thing isn't a delusion of grandeur that I haven't just taken a breath and felt the...well, I guess its...I can't really describe it without sounding strange so here it goes: when you stand outside on the first day of autumn weather but you aren't expecting it. The air feels a little bit cleaner, a touch cooler and then that breeze hits you. Its soft and gentle, just moving your hair a little bit and making the branches of nearby trees rustle soothingly.

If you were able to struggle through that random compilation of sentences and ellipses then you can understand how I felt inside as I was cleaning a meatball pan.

Oh and now that I'm done with my melodramatic overuse of imagery I would like to thank my Aunts - Karen, Nancy, Ruth, and Gale for helping me to meet the deadline for the $1,500 installment. As well as Paul Plummer and everyone who continues to support and encourage me whenever I need that extra push. I have never been more honored to be a part of my family than I am know that I've seen how much I am truly cared for.

Wow, I really need to stop inhaling Easter egg dye, huh?

2010-03-10T17:27:00.000-08:00

I would like to give a heartfelt, and deeply appreciative KIITOS! to my single financial contributor of the month - Karen Self. Thank you so much for your never ending support, both financially and emotionally. It means so much to know that I have people like you backing me on my journey.

Strombergs

2010-03-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

I received my host family's info on Saturday, and I know I should've rushed to the computer to share it, but to be honest I'm just now beginning to digest the facts fully. So, instead of my normally tasteful and eloquent words* I will simply present you with the facts, and all of the knowledge about who I am that you have sieved through these few posts.

Host Mother: Susanne Stromberg 41 years of age. Freelance-journalist and a student of international business.

Host Siblings: Bianca and Annabell. They will be five as of March 11.

Twins.

They love life. They speak, sing, and dance alot. They have very strong minds, lots of humor and a wild imagination.

We've been speaking over email for a few days. They're home is described as "quite bohemic with a joyful style : )"

So, overall I feel so very relieved. I tried very hard not to think up how I would want a host family, but this really and truly couldn't be more perfect. I feel like AFS did an excellent job of matching us, and just reminds me again that I chose the right group to take this adventure with.

The town I'll be living in is called Pietarsaari. The school has about 300 students, which is fine with me. A larger school would just make it easier to get lost. However, the town does have a library, theater, concert hall, youth center, indoor sports, beach, golf, museum, cinema, cultur. center, sports field, swimming hall, indoor ice rink, and riding stables.

I'll admit that some of that won't be much use to me, but my host mom does like tennis so I guess I'll give that shot...after I okay it with my insurance company first.

They also speak Swedish there so now I have two languages to digest. However the pictures I've seen make it look rather pretty and I only hope its a third as nice as it looks.

That's all for now. Just wanted to let everyone know what was going on, and how absolutely thrilled I am...if I can cover the remains of my tuition though.

I'm Back. Be afraid, Be VERY Afraid

2010-02-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

First off I'd like you to know that I occasionally have difficulty expressing both my excitement and asking for forgiveness. So I'd like to first off apologize for disappearing from the 'blogdom' for so long and say that I'm back whether you like it or not.

Now that that is out of the way let me give you a quick update about what's happened before I give the major news. First off for my birthday my mom and I spontaneously adopted the most precious bundle of black fur. His name is George, and he likes to cuddle up on the toilet seat cover. I love him more than I thought I could ever love a kitten. Then, my crab Tarja began to suffer from manic depression (don't mock, it happens) so now Markuu has joined our pet ranks. He's much more active than Tarja which is why I named him after a Finnish Olympic snowboarder.

I got a part in our school play The Comic Book Artist. While I may not be a super hero I am (dun da da duuun!!!) Artist #3, Person in Crowd and Fan Girl!

Now, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could do the drum roll noise inside your head during the following ellipsis. . .MY HOST FAMILY'S BEEN SELECTED! So, if all goes according to plan in roughly six months I will be living with a single journalist mother, and her twin five year old daughters. Do I know their names? No Where they live? Not yet What they look like? Not a clue.

What I do know is that those two girls are the most adorable little children on the planet. It's a gut feeling, and just like Tarja's depression don't question it. I doubt they'll be able to speak much English since children in Finland don't even begin school until age seven so they can develop character and enjoy childhood. That's something I am a major fan of. I'm very excited that my mother's a journalist because I've tossing that around as a future career for some time now and I'll finally have the opportunity to really learn what it's like.

Also, I've never been a big sis before, and how cool is it that I get to impart my wisdom on the little tykes? Okay, ya I know that first I actually have to get wisdom but as soon as it's acquired consider it imparted. Besides even though I'm studying the language I'll be very out of my element so in a way it'll be like I'm a five year old as well. Everything is new, and alive with possibility. The mundaness that can take over is still a distant cloud, and everything has a certain shine to it....well, that's what I'm hoping for anyway. Even my mistakes will be new because I've never made a foreign blunder before.

Now, I will sling this random mix of electronic words into the depths of cyberspace, practice my Finnish for a bit, and check my e-mail every hour in eager excitement to find out the name of my future town, siblings, and host mother. Good night to those who aren't quite as irrationally joyful as me.

text 'Haiti' to 90999

2010-01-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

If you've only 1/5 of this blog you know how absolutely passionate I am about getting to Finland and learning the language(which is coming along nicely by the way), and walking through all of the doors this experience would open but this month I'm asking you to do something that would never have crossed my mind a week ago - For the next month, I do not, I repeat do not want your donations. It isn't that I'm unappreciative that I don't think this will happen, but unless you live under a rock you're aware of the unfathomable tragedy in Haiti. They need the money, I only want it. I would rather not go to Finland and spend the rest of my life serving coffee at McDonald's than know that a donation made there could instead save someone else's mom, granny, papa, aunt, or sister. I would rather know a little boy can now walk than spend a year abroad. Perhaps this is stupid, but I'm trying to keep my priorities straight.
I truly appreciate anyone who wants to help me, but right now my happiness doesn't amount to dirt compared to saving another human being, a fellow person who lives and breathes and laughs and hurts just like you.
The best way to donate is to text the word 'Haiti' to 90999 This will go directly to the Red Cross and be added to your phone bill as a $10 donation.

2010-01-11T17:01:00.000-08:00

Kittos!! to Karen Self, affectionetly known as Aunt Weedie for her considerate donations and unrelenting support for this month's tuition deposit and those past.

2010-01-08T07:27:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody - I lied. I didn't wait for something earth shattering to happen. In fact this isn't even a real post but just a little something I found on aimless web surfing. I really liked it, and wanted to share it with anyone who reads this.

Give me...

A few friends who understand me and remain my friends;

Work to do that has real value, without which the world would be poorer;

A mind unafraid to travel, even though the trail be not blazed;

An understanding heart;

A sense of humor;

Time for quiet, silent meditation;

The patience to wait for the coming of these things,

With the wisdom to recognize them when they come."

2010-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

Now that the holidays are winding down I'm hoping more people will have the financial capability to donate a small amount towards my AFS fund. I feel like I'm always saying that -AFS fund this, AFS fund that. I'm just not a big money person I guess...however, I'm also very fond of what money can assist in getting you - like a year abroad in Finland.

I had a very pleasant Christmas. As a matter of fact I had three very pleasant Christmases! My mom and I had regular Christmas on the 25th (where I got an amazing gift from her and my Aunt Weedie). My granny, papa, and aunt Weedie were supposed to come over that day for Christmas dinner however for the first time in fourteen years it was a white Christmas and roads were closed. They came the next day where everyone exchanged gifts again. And again I got wonderful gifts. Then a couple of days later my sister Amy drove up from Dallas and so we, yup you guessed it, had another Christmas and I, whoa you're catching on fast, received more wonderful things that overall left me with that annoyingly warm fuzzy feeling...however that may have just been the cute little fuzzy socks I got.
So, now that my life's about to return to normal after all of the eating and talking I was thinking about trying to make a little video about my hometown - Sallisaw. Now, it'll probably be a short little thing. Maybe with some music, maybe not. I don't know yet but I like to have things to focus on and considering the fact that I have technical skills equivalent to a mouse's it should keep me a little busy...and frustrated
Sorry that the post isn't so entertaining, but I'm about to crash early and wanted to type something before I do. I feel like I'm forgetting something.........Oh, right. The other day at the mall I was in Romancing the Stone and well, they're one hermit crab short now. After I brought the little cutie home in his/her 'kritter keeper' I researched them online, learned that if they don't have proper humidity they will slowly suffocate, and sent my mom off the next day for her usual errands with a special request.
Now the 'kritter keeper' is washed and stored and my little baby girl/boy is living in style with calcium enriched sand, a climbing log, coco hut, empty hard boiled eggshell to nibble on, bottled saltwater, a bowl for both fresh and saltwater, and a few extra shells I bought in Galveston years ago. There's a way to identify the sex of hermit crabs but by the time it's willing to reach that far out of its shell I'll have had it to long to care much. I don't really care for painted shells because the crabs are forced into them and let's just suffice to say it's not going to help it stay healthy. So, I picked a nice natural shell crab, she/he's fairly small and named Denim - a practical, sturdy, simple material. However, I think I'll be called him/her Tarja after the former lead singer of a band called Nightwish which until recently I didn't even know was Finnish and on the other end of the spectrum Tarja is also the name of the first female Finnish president. So, it's pretty much feminism in all forms wrapped up symbolically in a hermit crab...I swear I'm perfectly normal. So that's all that's going on for now. I promise I'll refrain from posting until something life shattering or groundbreaking happens.

One heck of a resemblance, right?

2009-12-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

Warning: the blog government is not responsible for any bad moods occurring after the reading this post which lacks tact, wit, and optimism.

Well, it would appear to be that I can now officially call myself that coveted name, the one I've dreamt of for so long - AFSer. Now they're searching for my host family. Yay, happy dance, etc. etc. and now I will recount the soft edged version of my in home interview that ended just moments ago.

For all of you reading I will force myself to be brutally honest...I stunk. Now, I'm sure that being the dear family you are you're already rolling your eyes at silly Kim. After all, I never give myself enough credit right? Well, I think it's safe to say I came across as arrogant and if I could work my will the woman who interviewed me would completely forget about the whole experience and show up again tomorrow.

Once it slipped that I hated my town it was all further into the guillotine from there. I tried to not sound self righteous, but apparently (and I was told this point blank) I sound like I'm trying to escape. Who me? Of course that's partially true, but the way she made it sound was as if I didn't value the cultural experience at all. I just didn't like small towns. there really is so much more to that, I promise you. I wish I could explain it but I really can't.

It's just something I feel. A compulsion in my heart to hear the zipping of a suitcase, the noise of an airport terminal, the scent of exotic food and voice.

I did mention I'm a little loopy from the cold right? Okay use that as your explanation for the dysfunctional rambling of the post.

As if my only purpose for asking people to donate thousands of dollars was just so that I could get a year away from here. I've been stuck with a horrid cold for five days and so clearly I wasn't on my A-game, but I feel extremely disappointed with myself. I'm also having mixed feelings about posting this but I feel that if I only write when I'm happy I'm not being very truthful at all.

I know I sounded like a know it all who was to big for her britches. Oh well, what's to be done? I see chocolate in my future this evening.

But I suppose in the end it doesn't really matter in the long run how I came across, because I do feel fairly comfortable with the phone interview I had and anyway I am now officially an AFSer!! Hard to complain about that right?

2009-12-14T16:41:00.000-08:00

I'd like to make an important announcement. I, Kim Pate, resident of Middle of Nowhere Important, Oklahoma have finally gotten an.....In Home Interview!!!!
If you haven't noticed, I'm pretty excited. It's this Wednesday. Actually scratch that other line, I'm pretty terrified. I'll let you know how it went Thursday.

2009-12-13T16:22:00.000-08:00

Wanna know what I realized today? Well, I've realized three things actually, and here they are:

Too is correct in a sentence when it's replaceable with also. I'm a freshman, and I want to make a career out of writing (possibly). Can't you see what a fantastic start I have?

I start quite a few sentences off with Well. I'm not sure why. Maybe I think it makes the sentence feel more relaxed? I don't know.

I absolutely love whoever invented blogging. I've never felt a better way to run through all of my thoughts. I know that this isn't the Julie/Julia Project or anything. It was something I started to keep my scholarship, but even though I've had around a total of twelve posts and only my immediate family reads it I'm starting to look at it like a journal with spellcheck. It's comforting to know that no matter how this adventure ends I'll have no choice but to look back at this time exactly how it was. I won't be able to sugar-coat anything or make it seem worse than it was. I'm not a necessarily chipper person (ask my mother), but when I feel any emotion I really feel it. So I'm glad that in a years time I'll be able to see honestly who I was. Who that girl sitting at the computer on a cold winter night was, and then see what she has become so far.

Wow, maybe that apple cider's fermented? I always walk away from a post before running through it so I can look with fresh eyes at grammar mistakes (I still make plenty of'em though.) but can you say 'Sentimental' or what? Oh well, I'll throw it up into cyberspace anyway. What's the harm?

Just a quick update

2009-12-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

Well, a few weeks ago I had a phone interview. They're still having trouble locating an in-home interviewer because I might as well live on an island in the middle of the Atlantic. And not the tropical paradise where attractive waiters hand you margaritas on a beach over looking crystal clear water and a dazzling sunset. No, I'm talking a Lord of the Flies type of island.
Anyway it went alright, I think. My main fear is that I came off too business like. But I was very nervous. You try being asked how you want your family to be and see how easy it is. I want them to be nature oriented, but not too athletic, I want them to be intelligent but not over bearing, they should understand my need for space, but make sure to do what's best for me, etc. etc,.
Then when I was asked to describe my own family....

Well, my family is....
Okay Kim, get your act together.
They're very...uhm...unique...well, you see....
Quit stalling, woman! You're making it sound like they all belong in padded room without knives or forks.
We're very close.....
Smooth one! Now she's going to think of me as codependent.

Maybe it wasn't that bad, but it sure felt like it. The woman was extremely nice though, and was more than willing to take care of my questions. That's another reason I'm happy I chose AFS. Instead of the strict, get your papers, get your money, get your country attitude I was expecting everyone so far that I've e-mailed or talked with has been very patient and kind.
I also got my passport photo taken, and I'm going to apply for my actual passport this Monday. No one aside from me, my mother, the women who took it, and the government will ever see that photo. I try my best too not be vain, but this picture...anyway that's all that's going on right now. I promise that I'll find something interesting to post next. Sorry if my post is a bit scatter -brain. I've only been awake for a couple of hours because it seems I decided to take a six hour nap. However, in my defense I do have a cold, but my voice is starting to come back. Thanks again for all of your love and support.

By the way, it is really hard for me to describe my family so I'm adding a few pictures so that maybe, just maybe you can get a small taste of who we are..

Kiitos!

2009-12-04T16:55:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of the month again when I express my gratitude to everyone who helped me get a step closer to Finland this month. So without further ado, I'd like to send a humble and appreciate kiitos to:

Karen Self

Ruth Self

Cathleen Eid

I really can't express how humbling it is to realize how many people are willing to put their own lives aside to imporve mine. I've never felt more cared and loved for.

Kiitoksia ajaksi kypsentää ale!

2009-11-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the bake sale!

First off I would like to thank my wonderful Aunt Ruthie and Cousin Holly for making the delicious looking cookies and jumbo sized rice krispie treats you see in the picture below and taking the time to sell them.

I've also submitted my deposit, but I haven't submitted my full application for two reasons: 1) I don't have a passport yet. 2) They haven't been able to schedule my in-home interview.

However, I would like to take a moment to thank those who made a direct donation towards the deposit.

So, here's a big kiitos to: My mom's colleague Marsha Scott, my two sisters Kate & Amy Patton, and last but certainly not least my other wonderful Aunt Weedie. (Okay her real name might be Karen but Weedie isn't a terrible nickname)

P.S. I have to wait for the end of the month to thank my online donators, so don't worry - I didn't forget you.

Who me? Blunt?

2009-11-16T19:24:00.000-08:00

Hey, everybody! Okay, I may be over doing this whole blog thing but it's kind of fun to write down my random musings and put'em up for the world to see....because the world's really waiting in eager fascination for my next odd thought. Anyway, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm feeling pretty darn chipper.

Thankfully I don't have TB. However I do have a fairly rare blood type. Only a little less than 4% of people can claim to be AB+ luckily though in an emergency any blood type will work for me. Considering how accident prone I am I let out a sigh of relief. Getting the blood though? Not one of my shining moments.

Fear of needles is fairly common so nurses are used to seeing patients reacting apprehensively. However, I am not afraid of needles. Heck I'm not even afraid of blood. It's veins and arteries that get me. They're tiny and important and look disgusting. I have the most irrational fear of them being penetrated. I've only had my blood drawn once when I was little and since they kept missing the vein I had to return for three days until the needle finally stabbed the right spot. I don't remember why they had too do it, I only remember being absolutely petrified and how painful it was. So when this time came around I absolutely refused unless I could just have a finger prick.......Twenty minutes and a needle in my arm later, I realized it was less painful than a vaccine.

I was stunned, embarrassed, and wished I could have melted to the floor and slipped away.

I have the $500 deposit money, and I'll be giving a shout out to those wonderful people tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow that's when I'm planning on submitting my full application. YIKES! This is it. This is the make or break point.

The great thing about people only reading my blog as a way to stay in touch is not only that it's far easier to spread the word but I can also edit and re-edit how I phrase something. If I want to come across as a calm, poised, mature young lady I could very easily manage it...but where's the fun in couth I ask you? So, I'm going to be very frank with anyone who may be reading this: I'm scared. I'm absolutely, completely horrified. It's becoming very real. I've never entertained the notion that a thought like this could develop so far, even when I was applying for a college prep school.

I don't fear the country, or stumbling over the language because it's perfectly natural to assume I won't even be semi-fluent for a few months. Getting there is what terrifies me. Nothing could be more devastating then being so close and finding out that there was one thing, just one small thing like a forgotten signature or computer crash, that completely obliterated my last hope. Then I'd have to hear my relatives say sympathetically, I really thought you were going, everything was according to plan.

Well...there went my pleasant disposition. Let me try to end on a positive or at least interesting note. According to a Japanese institute that does research on blood types, there seem to be certain characteristics associated with each blood type (let me know what you think):

Not surprisingly, ABs can be quite dualistic, possessing both A and B traits. You may be shy and outgoing, and hesitant and confident. You often stand out from others, don't like labels, and are nice and easy going. You are logical and determined to do things correctly. Usually trustworthy, you like to help others. You often speak in a serious manner. Your patience, concentration, and intelligence are admirable. Your dress will be in extremes, sometimes very proper, sometimes very sloppy. Will choose clothing by colour first.

*Just out of curiosity, did anyone get the pun? Positive? Get it? Because I'm AB Positive. Well, it cheered me up a bit.

Applications, Immunizations, and all that jazz(or Finnish)

2009-11-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

Well, nothing much to speak of lately. I'm going to get my TB test Monday. And I'm not extremely concerned but I am nervous. After all who can look forward to having a needle inserted into the forearm and injecting a liquid to measure the swelling? But it is completely worth it. Unfortunately, my interview situation is not looking up. They're having trouble finding someone in the area to interview me. If it wasn't a required home interview I'd e-mail them and say that I don't care about the crazy price of gasoline I'll meet'em half way to Kalamazoo! However, now I just have to be patient....yay.
I'm trying to get a head start on Finnish, and because I'm me I picked one of the most difficult European languages without knowing it. Not to mention they roll their 'r's, something I have yet to master in Spanish class. So, obviously, I'm holding off on sentences or phrases and focuses on simpler things. The only words that have stuck so far are gray, egg, and beer. Useful right? Thank goodness I'm not fond of pink which is around six or seven syllables. I'm also on YouTube trying to listen to Finnish music so the syllables won't sound quite as weird once I buckle down and start learning...thank goodness I like their music! I don't have a darn clue what they're singing about but the voices are good and the music is wonderful.
That's pretty much it. Fascinating, right? I'm just in 'AFS mode' right now so I decided to just drop this post in the blog.

Sponsors for October

2009-11-02T14:25:00.000-08:00

AFS just emailed me the two current sponsors who donated in October. If you're reading this you have no idea how grateful I am. This went directly into my intuition fee and is a big help so I'd like to send out a big kiitos to the Ruth & Ripper Howell, and Karen Self!!! Thanks again you guys.

Banishment is no longer eminent

2009-11-01T18:39:00.000-08:00

If you haven't realized by now I occasionally lack tact, grace, and common sense. For example, if you read my earlier post you'd know how nervous I felt about telling my grandparents...well, it turns out these times they are a changin'. Why would I even remotely think that my granny checked facebook daily, or took time to read the wall. Ya know, the wall that I posted the link to this blog and celebrated my scholarship? Yeah, that wall. So she read it before I had a chance to speak with her. Imagine my surprise when on the way to play practise my mom tells me she spoke with Granny about it. Imagine my near heart attack when my mother told me I had her blessing.

This raised my spirits quite a bit. After all, once you have your granny on your side the rest is pretty much a piece of cake. Now the final step was to break it to my Papa. It went fairly well, even though a piece of my hair has a permanent curl from where I twisted it in apprehension while he looked over the papers. Aside from when he asked what the capital was, and my brain completely shut down it went fairly well. By the way I am well aware that it's Helsinki.

I love both my grandparents dearly, if you haven't noticed, however my Papa is an old-fashioned man born and raised in rural Oklahoma so he's fairly set in his ways. On the other hand he's also travelled to at least seven different countries, due to his job in Nicklos Drilling Company, ranging from the United Arab Emirates to Greece. So I think that also softened the blow, because he's never visited another country and just worked. He's always made it a point to see the local points of interest and bring home quite the mementos.

Now my whole family seems to be rallying for the cause, one of my aunts is even going to try to sell cookies. I'm completely shocked, and amazed how another one of my 'up in the sky dreams' is now becoming a fact to my relatives. While I sat here thinking What a wonderful dream that might come true they're all just saying When Kim goes to Finland. Not 'if' just 'when'. As if it's the most obvious thing in the world that their niece/cousin/ etc. is going to be able to leave the country for a year.

So, it seems that everything is starting to come together in one fell swoop. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea to be honest. It's starting to become so real. When my mother told me all of this I just sat there, acting touched. But it wasn't until I was alone that I really could picture myself walking out of my house, hugging my dog, and getting on I-40. This thought made my heart leap, and I walked into the room my mom was in saying abruptly, "If you don't send any Faye bars during Christmas I'll disown you!"

My family doesn't have very many traditions, but every year my mom and I make a wonderful thing called Faye bars. You make regular rice krispie treats but put a mixture of butterscotch and chocolate chips half an inch thick on top. I'm a terrible addict, I must confess.

Scholarship E-mail

2009-10-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

So, if around $100 on ebay warrants a happy dance what am I supposed to do for a $3,000 scholarship?! I was just going to check my e-mail before going to bed early when I saw the AFS letter. After my initial thought of going out in my pajamas and running around the street screaming subsided I thought it would be a little more sane to call my sisters. I called Kate while my mom called my eldest sister Amy.

Kate was very helpful and gave a ton of ideas for raising money. This Tuesday I'm going to my local Chamber of Commerce, and I'm also going to spend the rest of my evening looking up more scholarship possibilities. It was really nice to hear just how thrilled Kate was, and it was a definite confidence booster because, oddly enough, even though I'm unbelievably thrilled hives have decided to make their appearance.

Next, I talked with Amy and she also seems excited but she's also worried about our mom being left alone for such an extended period of time which I guess I understand. However, she must not feel too bad because for the $500 I need by Nov. 23rd she's sending $100 so I really only need to worry about $300 since I sold my flute(which is ironically a world traveller before me- it went to the United Arab Emirates.)

So, now I think it's time I get ready to confront one of my larger fears concerning this endeavor - telling my granny and papa. Now I know it may seem childish that I haven't yet told two of the most important people in my life, but they love me very much and have given so much of their time and energy towards helping me be the person I am today. I'm hoping that once they see that this is almost a completely done deal, and realize how beneficial this trip will be that they'll come around to accepting it. I would be lying though if I didn't tell you this: If I could wait, and call them on the plane to Finland to tell them that they wouldn't see me for 11 months I really would. Because I'm sure that afterwards visiting their home, which really feels like my own, will be awkward.

No matter how hard it is though, I know that in the end I need to do what's best for me although I deeply regret it if my dreams have to hurt somebody else.

About Me Part 2

2009-10-21T15:47:00.001-07:00

Looking back, I feel my introductory post is fairly short so here's a little bit of a deeper look into my personality.

First of all, I'm stubborn. Always have been always will be. When I decide I want to do or try something I'll fight tooth and nail to obtain it. However, in my opinions I'm fairly flexible, and if someone proves me wrong(and I mean really proves that I'm completely wrong) I will grudgingly admit it.

My first dreams of travelling involved a tour of Asia. You know, the usual: walk the great wall, assist in handing out food in Indian slums, see the Harajuko District of Japan, explore Laos, etc. However, at this point in my life I don't feel that I'm quite up to the challenge of doing this. In a few years yes, but I'd like to have a little bit of peaceful travel under my belt first.
Although the picture for my blog on AFS is me standing in a dress, I don't consider myself feminine. That was the only picture I could find at the time, and on the actual blog I have a more suitable one of me posted. I have nothing against women who chose to act and dress in a feminine manner, and yes I do know how to put on make up(except for eyeliner, pointy objects were never my specialty) I simply chose to wear jeans and flip flops.

Basically I'm just a walking contradiction. For example, on the outside I appear sarcastic, and cold but in actuality I'm a bleeding heart. I get a little sad whenever a spider is killed. Because, well here comes the snarky comments, I really like to believe that there is no 'them' and 'us' in this world, only 'we'. And it's just whether people accept this fact or not because in the end it's China's earth, Russia's earth, Nepal's earth, Brazil's earth, Germany's earth, America's earth, etc. etc. and the animals and plants. It's up to all of us to keep this great sphere orbiting the Sun, and not just PETA's or Amnesty International's. We all have a responsibility to care for it, whether we want too or not.

One of my newer hobbies is photography. I'm not working with an SLR yet, but I still have a lot of fun with my Digital Cannon.

This is me. Well, most of me anyway. After all, how can you sum up exactly who you are in a blog post? For example I left out the fact that I worship Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and that I think squirrels are pure evil (chased twice, bitten twice - three separate occasions by the way).

So, in the end I hope you'll part with just a few dollars for some girl with a crazy dream. I know you might be thinking, "I'd like to help, but I can't spare $50." Don't then. I know it seems like a silly thing to do, but if you click on that Chip In widget and donate literally just $2, that's just two less dollars I have to worry about. I would truly appreciate it, and promise to keep in touch if my goal is fulfilled.

Ebay Happy Dance

2009-10-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well, as you may or may not know I'm a fairly reserved person. I do have my crazy moments, but it's very rare that I'll squeal, or 'happy dance', etc. However, today I did. I squealed and I happy danced. Money is a big deal. The only real obstacle, I believe, in preventing me from going to Finland. So a few days ago I posted my flute on Ebay. Now, last year when I was trying to go to a summer photography program in New York I tried the eBay approach, but amazingly no one wanted my old dresses. Go figure, right? So I posted my flute at $85, trying not to get my hopes up...until today when low and behold there have been twelve bids, I still have three days left, and the price is now $142.50.

Okay, I know this leaves just the smallest scratch in the amount I need, but it's a start. Now this whole thing is beginning to feel just a bit more real, and I actually have money that will be arriving just for this.

2009-09-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get excited about the headway I've been making. Not as far as money's concerned though, not yet anyway. I'm almost completely done with fillling out my main application. I re-wrote my essay about three times. I've never been good at first impressions, and I had to sum up my entire personality in there. Yikes! I'm just so nervous that when I go, and my host family's read my letter they'll...I don't know. I guess it's just the nerves getting to me.
I know a bakesale sounds very childish, but I'm really at a loss as to what I should do to raise money. I'd love to get a job, but there really isn't anyway looking to higher a fourteen year old. So, I'm going to set my kitchen on fire and burn down the house around next thursday I think. And if the damage isn't too extensive I'll go out and sell some cookies.
I'm doing a ton of research on Finnish culture to make sure that's really where I want to go, and so far it seems perfect for me. I'm especially looking forward to learning the language, because I absolutely love the style of it, if that makes any sense. I can't really put my finger on why I enjoy it so much, but I do.
I know this post is boring, but I want to try to get in the habit of remembering to write when things do get exciting which will hopefully be soon.

Introduction

2009-09-27T11:33:00.024-07:00

Hi, my name is Kim Pate and currently I'm a freshman at Sallisaw High School. Ever since I was little I've wanted to travel and now, thanks to AFS, I'm getting my chance! Equality and tolerance are very important values to me, and by going abroad I'll have the chance to learn a new language, and immerse myself in an exciting new culture, and share a few of my American traditions with my host family and new friends.
Leaving America for an entire year obviously isn't cheap, but I'm not going to let something like money get in the way of my goals. My mother works as a teacher at the local elementary school and part time in retail. She works very hard, but it simply isn't enough.
I've been saving every dime I can. Also, I'll soon be having bake sales around my community, and asking various local businesses to sponsor me. I understand our economy's down right now, but I'll gladly accept even the smallest amount of money. Even a few dollars can make a difference.

To sponsor my AFS program now, please click the ChipIn button.